1 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:44,097 Greetings, thrill-shriekers. Care to join me on the scare lift? Good. 2 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:48,739 Your pal the Crypt Keeper's quite the ex-scream skier. 3 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:54,076 I just love the feeling of going fester and fester. 4 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,176 Talk about hack-xhilarating! 5 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:01,278 Which is kind of how the man in tonight's terror tale feels. 6 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:05,383 He's just started down a black die-mond run of his own. 7 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:10,056 In a nasty nugget I call "Surprise Party". 8 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:43,653 I hope you find it comfortable. Don't get too many folks up here. 9 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,660 - Thanks. - Glad to have you. 10 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,889 If the rain ever stops and the sun comes out, 11 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:52,922 ain't no prettier view than this one right here. 12 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,161 Beautiful. 13 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,000 I had no idea it was so rural out here. 14 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,905 Clean and safe. 15 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,500 Good night, Mr. Wells. 16 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,512 Say, 17 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,547 you wouldn't happen to be related to the Wells that owns the farm 18 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,678 - outside of town, would you? - Yeah, I'm his son. 19 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,588 Actually, I just inherited the place. That's why I'm here. 20 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,216 - I'm gonna see it tomorrow. - Oh. 21 00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:25,264 So you're the son of Desmond? 22 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,630 Yeah. 23 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:30,796 - Is there something wrong? - Not for me. 24 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,534 So you're going out there? 25 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,668 Well, if that's what you want to do... 26 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:41,238 Some folks out there are going to be surprised to see you. 27 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:42,748 Yes, sir. Yes, sir. 28 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:46,048 That place burned down 20 years ago. How could there be anyone in it? 29 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,314 Uh-huh. 30 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,689 Well, I wouldn't care to find out. 31 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:54,888 I just let things be. Just let them be. 32 00:04:54,961 --> 00:05:00,525 Ain't been anyone near there for years. Not since your father left after the fire. 33 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,002 Well, then, how do you know there's anyone there? 34 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:09,036 Lights, sometimes, and sounds. 35 00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:14,844 Could be imagination, but I ain't curious enough to find out. 36 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:18,283 - No, sir. No, sir, not me. - Lights on my property? 37 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:22,345 - What are you talking about, lady? - God be with you 38 00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:25,881 or good luck, whichever you believe in. 39 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,618 Oh, yes, sir. 40 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,492 Lights on my property. 41 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,068 Mr. Wells. 42 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,206 Mr. Wells. 43 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,170 Mr. Wells. 44 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,544 Mr. Wells, your son is here. 45 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,180 I called him like you asked. He's here. 46 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,983 Mr. Wells, can you hear me? 47 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:43,436 He started going downhill yesterday. Maybe seeing you will do him some good. 48 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,563 That would be a first. 49 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,982 Thanks for coming. 50 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,852 Well, I never thought I'd hear that. 51 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,087 They tell me I don't have much time left, 52 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:09,596 - so I wanted to see you. - You wanted to see me? 53 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,996 Sure you did, you dried-up son of a bitch. 54 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,110 You had to squeeze that last drop of feeling out of me 55 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,693 before you died, didn't you? 56 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,206 Ray, Ray, please don't talk to me like that. 57 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:23,937 I drew up a will. Did it myself a couple days ago. 58 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,706 Yeah. 59 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,771 I wanted to explain it to you. 60 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,043 It was no damn explanation. 61 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:34,049 The will's on the table. Get it. 62 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,602 You're giving the property to charity? 63 00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,664 To charity? Ha! 64 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:57,472 Ray, I'm doing it for your own good. 65 00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,876 What a guy. 66 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,141 Wait, wait, wait. 67 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,476 This isn't even official! 68 00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,750 Notary's coming tomorrow. 69 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:11,019 Well, that's fine. I'll destroy it today. 70 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,822 Go ahead. I'll just make another one. 71 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:18,263 Listen to me, damn it, that's the way the will stays. 72 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,993 The fire destroyed everything. 73 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:23,002 There is nothing left there but my memories. 74 00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:26,471 Ray. Ray. 75 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:30,772 It's cursed grounds. You have to believe me. 76 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,008 If there's only one thing I would do for you, 77 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,141 it would be to see that you never set foot there. 78 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:40,051 That property is mine, God damn it. 79 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,393 You never wrote this will. It doesn't exist. 80 00:08:42,417 --> 00:08:42,817 Ray... 81 00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:47,224 And as your only surviving heir, everything you got goes to me. 82 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,794 What are you doing? 83 00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:54,097 You can't deny me what's mine. 84 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,999 Damn you. 85 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,228 Nurse! 86 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,198 That property is mine. 87 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,081 Ray. 88 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:23,619 It's cursed ground. Never set foot there. 89 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,309 What... 90 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,743 Excuse me. Excuse me. 91 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,238 Hey, hello! 92 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:54,518 Look, people, I don't know what you're doing here, but I want you out! 93 00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:59,224 Now, you hear me? 94 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,624 Hey, sweet cheeks. 95 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,094 Hey, man, you get your hands off me. 96 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,325 Are you stoned or what? 97 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,668 Maybe a little partied out. 98 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:14,140 Well, that's good, good, 'cause I want you out of here in five minutes. 99 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:21,507 Look, people, maybe I didn't make myself clear. 100 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,550 You are trespassers. 101 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:27,883 If you're not off this property in five minutes, I'm calling the cops. 102 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:32,155 I own this place. My name is Ray Wells! 103 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,124 Right on! 104 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,669 Wait. That's it! 105 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,740 - Is there a pay phone near here? - Man, are you kidding? 106 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:53,439 Oh, no. You can ask the cops when they get here, darling, 107 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,708 if I was kidding. 108 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,376 Oh, man, it's such a nasty night out, 109 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,352 and the police department's only got two guys. 110 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:03,219 I don't know if they're gonna wanna come all the way out here 111 00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:06,347 just to interrupt an innocent little party. 112 00:12:06,371 --> 00:12:06,919 Party? 113 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,360 Trust me, darling, this ain't a party. 114 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:15,834 Damn! Where did this hunka-hunka burning love come from? 115 00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:18,999 Hey, Mr. Wells, 116 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,600 if you insist on tromping through the mud to turn us all in, 117 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,873 then I insist that you fortify yourself first. 118 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:30,878 Go on. It's not gonna bite you. 119 00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:33,613 I'm the thing that's gonna do that. 120 00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:44,022 Easy, slugger. That stuff's pretty rough. 121 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,261 What is this? 122 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:52,567 Fruit juice, some Tang, a little sherbet, 123 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:56,935 and lots of grain alcohol. 124 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:03,012 I call it Midnight Special, 'cause if you drink it till midnight, 125 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,852 things get pretty damn special. 126 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:13,991 - With this crowd? - You'd be surprised. 127 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,562 I'd be shocked. 128 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,920 Here you go. 129 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,722 Feeling special yet? 130 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,825 I'll let you know, Josie. It is Josie, isn't it? 131 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,393 That's my name. 132 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,803 I can see that. 133 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:04,202 Tell me something, what are all these people doing in my house? 134 00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:07,506 Waiting for you, angel. 135 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:11,847 We were so hoping that you'd come by and check out your property. 136 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:17,321 Now that you're here, think of this as your housewarming. 137 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,084 Well, that's very nice of you all. 138 00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:24,153 - Mind if I unbutton your shirt? - Nope, be my guest. 139 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,704 Midnight, here we come. 140 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,906 Josie, you want to dance? 141 00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,813 I'm having a conversation, Frank, or didn't you notice? 142 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,248 Yeah, I noticed. 143 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,377 I'll dance with you in a couple minutes, okay? 144 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,364 You know, I had a feeling this would happen with you. 145 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,832 The second he comes waltzing in this door, 146 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,333 you're all over him like white on rice. 147 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,723 Frank! 148 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:56,490 Sorry, sorry. I forgot, I'm just the caretaker here. 149 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,492 Who do I think I am, right? 150 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,227 Come on. 151 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,176 - Hold the lamp, would you? - Sure. 152 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,374 So, that guy, he takes care of the house? 153 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,077 - Yeah, does a great job, doesn't he? - Yeah. 154 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:21,588 He's always so jealous. God, I hate that. 155 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,792 Do me a favor, put the can back on the shelf? 156 00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,417 Sure, sure. 157 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,468 Fancy meeting you here. 158 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:43,406 I can't tell you how much I've waited for this. 159 00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,376 Is that right? 160 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,708 I know it sounds strange, 161 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,341 but I always knew that someday you'd inherit this house. 162 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:54,183 I was just praying that you weren't gonna be some pathetic little creature. 163 00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:56,882 And now you... 164 00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,249 - Let's go. - Yeah. 165 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:55,306 - Wait, I'm not ready yet. - You're not ready? 166 00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:01,085 Now, I'm ready. 167 00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:07,358 I'm gonna tear you to pieces. 168 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,540 You son of a bitch! 169 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:26,238 You think you can just walk into my house and take anything you want? 170 00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:27,644 Well, screw you, pal! 171 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,616 I see you looking at my woman again, I will kill you! 172 00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:35,520 You got it wrong, pal. This is my house, 173 00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:39,650 and as for your woman there, bright boy, she was begging for it. 174 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:44,129 - Frank! Stop it! - Oh, baby, I'm gonna kill this... 175 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,167 Frank, look out! 176 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,912 It's okay. He came at me in my own house! It was self-defense. 177 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:05,611 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 178 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,611 Shut up! God damn it! 179 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:14,518 Shut up! Shut up! 180 00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,701 Oh, Jesus. 181 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,240 Damn, damn, damn. 182 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,680 God. 183 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:50,860 You should have stopped screaming. Damn it! 184 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,124 I don't think so, Ray. 185 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,299 You know, Ray, 186 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:31,735 it's one thing to be a jerk-off, 187 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:34,638 but you could at least be original about it. 188 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,175 - What? - Look, Frank, 189 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:39,679 he's even got the same lighter his father used. 190 00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:45,207 Oh, what, Ray? Daddy never told you about his wild parties? 191 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:50,256 He never told you about the one he threw in '73? 192 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,020 - That was a real barn burner. - Oh, God, no. No. 193 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,891 Yeah, everything was going great, 194 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:59,864 until he got drunk and decided he had dibs on my little girl here. 195 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,733 - And then, when I walked in on them... - He knows the rest. Don't you, Ray? 196 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:07,296 Roasting 15 people alive. 197 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:13,204 Pretty rotten way to cover his ass, don't you think, Ray? 198 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,512 Would you like to see? 199 00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:29,756 So, you can see why we've been so anxious to meet you. 200 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:35,225 We've been partying a long time, waiting for you to show up, fuego boy. 201 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:39,602 - We are very tired. - Maybe now we can get some rest. 202 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:15,767 No! I'm not my father! 203 00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:44,563 No, stop! 204 00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:04,781 Poor Ray. 205 00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:08,810 Well, at least he went out in a blaze of gory. 206 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:12,222 Still, talk about a pain in the ash! 207 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,258 Bye, Cryptie. 208 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:20,162 As for me, kiddies, I'm about skied out. 209 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:24,363 Not that I didn't have fun, but these boots are killing me! 210 00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:30,605 Oh, my. 211 00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:34,772 Now that's what I call the agony of de-feet! 212 00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:14,982 English -SDH